mahler

I've been exploring the Mahler symphonies. Now at No.2. It all started when I told someone Mahler symphonies were depressing, and I realised that I hadnt listened to any of them seriously. Sadly, theres hardly time now to sit down and listen to those gargantuan works for 70 minutes at a go.

Backtrack: Braddell Heights Symphony last sunday was good. Its not a perfect orchestra but it tries its best. We at AC phil sure understand that! Debussy was ok. The Bruch was quite messy. Don't really blame HoeYeong though. It's a killer with lots of double-stops and runs and weird keys! >.< And i thought the Mahler was quite fantastic! It was an experience, sitting in the first row, with the extremely expanded woodwind and brass section roaring in unison. As said, the mistakes and technical problems were made up for by the excitement and intensity of the performance.

Musical musings aside, it was fun! Going for dinner with debbyoyah, hanging around with friends, watching your viola teacher in action... During Mahler Dr. Yeo accidentally came in col legno when it was supposed to be pizzicato and made a big OOPS face. He talked his way out of it by saying he had only ONE rehearsal and that if he had gone for two he would be perfect! hahaha.

Anyway, October - November is exciting for concert-goers. BBC Symphony, St. Petersburg Philharmonic, SSO pops, SSO brahms violin concerto etc... yeah.

two in a post.

One:

The door closed on me today
Stumbled, in disarray
Puzzled, I turned away
Saddened, trying not to cry.

Smiling, I sat down
engaging in conversation
laughing, acting,
but only fleeting.

You were there, you tell me
How can I feel this way?
Maybe to just forget and shun
Will help me get through the day.

~

Two. (was written during a long mrt ride)

There is a picturesque moment
when raindrops streak
the canvas of a windscreen
forming incomprehendable words

My heart knows very well,
the rain
that falls on endless train track,
that falls on my heart.

We were blessed, simply,
with a heart and mind
And yet the heart
is dying, as steel.

The rain rests upon all the earth
forming on windows
streaks of wisdom
that no one can grasp.

Maybe the answer lies right here;
the rain knows very well.

~

Ever encountered the kind of weather where you just wanna hide in your room and think about sad things? Today was one of such days.

Happy Teacher's Day

I love the morning rain today. Luckily i reached school at 6.15am (usual) so i didnt get caught in the downpour. Since the classrooms were locked, so we have no choice but to sit alongthe corridors outside our classes. And i happened to be listening to Andrew Lloyd's weber theme and variation, variations 5 -7 which is actually a super emo music. ( For those that never hear before, get the recording from me if you want)
I sought of remember the times i spent with her. The happy moments. The cool feeling is just so nice that i felt a bit emo at that time. Then the dissonant part at variation 8 sort of woke me up for a short time, before going back to the introductory motif to variation 10 at variation 9, which is once again very emo..So after the piece ended, all i did was smile to myself that im actually very priveleged to meet such a nice person in my life.
~
The walking around the school, literally walking AROUND the school in my opinion is a failure. I rather do some kind of stretching exercise like "you put your right leg in, you put your right leg out, you put your right leg in.." you get my point. So many people were tempted to take short cuts so many times, and then like 2 mins into that thing, there were a major jam, actually numerous jams, so we(our class) decided to return to our classroom to play carrom. LoL I must say the celebration in the audi part was actually the best in my 4 years of schooling in ACSI. The songs are more or less nice, videos are interesting and the skit is so cool, though the blue and yellow banner really got onto my nerves as in blocked out more than half of the stage..
~
After everything was over, i met ame at the spaceframe. She wanted to return to MGS, and me NYPS which means we can take same bus 74 down. Then she realised her friend was leaving MG already so we decided to give her home-made muffins to current ACS teachers. But somehow she changed her mind after seeing her friends. So i changed mine too. And i was very happy i did went back (haha, thanks ame).
I havent really been back to NYPS for 2 years(some of you will know why), so the fact that i will be seeing my very close teacher for the last time is just very touching (she's leaving NY to teach at MGS). And then there were my friends, close to 20. Exchange pointers on school life(most of them from RI,RGS,HC,NYGS). And we decided to have lunch at some quite high class restaurant and it's the first time i felt willing to spend the money. Really missed them alot, so we talked super lot, and did laugh a lot too. Most of us already mature quite a lot, so the stuff we say are actually interesting stuffs. And the the BGR issue, where one of my friends( a girl), likes someone from 4.13 - from our school. And i just cannot imagine both of them together. LoL, nvm. But it was seriously nice, getting to meet them after so long, and recalling the fun times we have 4 years ago...
~
Holidays arent really holidays. I think i will start on my sciences. Though i dont like it, i dont really have a choice right...Nvm, its going to be over really soon, painlessss. Ouch =P

april to september. september till june.

The book of the day: sam.

Sam and his mum have been a great inspiration to me after reading this book. From the initial shock of cancer till the intense BEAM and stem cell treatment, sam has indeed been through a lot. My eyes were never dry when i read the book - I cried throughout the first half of the book and was teary through the second. I cried because i emphatise, and i understood. I cried also because i realised how weak my faith in God is.

But one message became clear: to trust Him. Entirely.

Its always difficult to see light when one is in darkness, but its such living miracles of God that renews our hope - that He is alive and He cares for us. To all of sam's friends, i truly admire ur selfless love for sam; and to sam, ur trust in God.

And so this is what i've learnt. Read the book; and you'll realise that suddenly few things seem important - only God is.

oh my goodness.

first time in 4 days i was looking forward to going back to school,

and i overslept.

what the heck lar......

4.12Abel rox

I actually wanted to blog in Chinese, but nvm. Its just too time consuming because NJstar is seriously very slow compared to the library's one.
I have came to a conclusion today that our class is simply retarded. Morning to afternoon to evening play carrom non-stop, sort of like addiction to drugs. I even need to come up with some "waiting list" thing to prevent them from fighting. If only someone organise inter-class carrom competition or something like that, haha, i think my class will send 6 teams and clean sweep all the prize. 5 turns you dont clear all your seeds you are DOOMED..
And the stuff we do in class is just simply childish, thats why i say we are retarded. Dalton doing the mega-roller thingy on the teacher's table(roll one round on the teacher's table, drop down onto the floor, kick off the wall and go underneath the table and repeat the whole process over and over until he is giddy). Poor kenneth getting hugged by matthew everywhere he goes, and shao wei + Jhan doing retarded stuff during lesson breaks. Everytime there is free period, the class will turn into a batterfield - you get my point. But i think this is what i will miss after all of us graduate to year 5's
~
Just got back my result slip today. Woohoo, C.maths 100, Chinese 80. The surprised part is language arts 82. The rest ah lol. Physics and chem a bit jia lat only, but nvm, all of you know im not the science type of person. If only i took bio, then can mug like mad, like mugging for geog and getting 92 for final year in sec 2. Nvm, exam schedule just came out, lang arts paper II only on 5th of October, that means........ and i have a 4 day break in between and then come back for C.maths and adv maths. LoL, slack =P
~
Just did my POD reflections on buddhism. Really enjoy having POD lessons nowadays, cus the stuff that you learn is just interesting. "Life is like a flower, it blooms for a few days before the petal fall to the ground. But one should not be despair because it fertilizes the ground for the next flower"... Smile =P

There's always a reason to smile for..

Oh yes! Everything is over now, or at least for the dreaded practical that i cant get my mind off it since 2 weeks ago. Lol. It was seriously super hot when rehearsing for the last time, i think its me, just unable to calm myself down. The walk down to the SAC really worked well. It got me to lose my focus on the practical, but the waiting part was bad. Ms Ng needs to go to the toilet continuosly cus she's having a diarrhoea, so she left me and ame in the room for 10mins or so which really got onto my nerves. Then it was time. First piece was quite good in my opinion, second one (Cavatina), intonation was not that bad, but her comments were like did you work this piece with your teacher? Cause the intonation is not as good as the first piece. And her commetns for kabelevsky was when its is supposed to be forte, make sure its forte. I think when its forte, im like max blasting power liao lor, so i guess next time must make the soft part softer. And i left the room feeling happy, not only for myself, but for ame also...
~
Couldnt really concentrate in class today. Lose interest in like everything except carrom so that i can get my mind off it. So not really much to talk about. We are seriously going to surprise our teachers during teacher's day, haha. Never see the class so appreciative for the first time (considering what we did to our dear chinese teacher on teacher's day last year). But that's just us, hyper mood swings. =P Im not going to bring my carrom board home tomorrow btw...
~
I thank God for everything i have, and for all the blessings he showered on me. Passed by the same old road into the university. The forest, the pathway, the long-abandoned guard house..but it didnt feel the same as before. Probably its the rain before that, most probably its just me, and i will smile for all the pleasant things around me. Most importantly, i will treasure this friendship with you =P

its a new day.

I will serve the Lord.

Hallelujah!

maybe i should.

Sam's mum came to speak to the school today. I expected an alpha-female of her, just like my mum is (in some sense). After all, she is the first female working in the Prime Minister's Office.

But everyone has a soft side. She started speaking on why and how the book came about. Her voice was getting shaky, especially so as she described how sam received a second blow when he was told that chemotherapy wasn't working. Maybe she had tears in her eyes; because i had them in mine.

I truly emphatised with how she felt; i mean, i have walked a similar path. I know what it's like going to the hospital during the september holidays, bringing your homework with you, doing history notes as u accompany ur loved one. Or tolerating the occasional lashes of anger and frustration as both of us grew up. Or praying so hard that God will spare his life, while not having much idea of what is happening. And as she made her short speech, these memories flashed across my mind...and so i had tears in my eyes.

But i will not cry them now; because she has inspired me to think like how she does - that everything that has happened and will happen only shows us God's great love towards us. It is His mercy that brought her son through, and it is this same mercy that brought me through. It will be the same mercy - the infinite and immeasurable one - that will bring u through too, if only u will let Him.

And so i didnt shed those tears; because i felt the peace that the reporter couldn't understand.

She returned to her seat in response to a resounding applause. She's one brave woman.

Maybe i should write about it someday.
somehow.

MEP Practical

To Oliver: Rarely see you post 2 at one go. But thats not the point. Friends are just friends, no point thinking other meanings for this word. Instead, we should just use the primary school definition of the word "friend". Dictionary.com say this: "a person who is on good terms with another", or this: "a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard."
~
Come to think about it, nowadays many people tend to read between the lines or just simply try to find hidden meanings in between the stuff that i do, the things i say and so on. Maybe im over sensitive, but I think my language isnt that powerful to write or say something that has a hidden meaning behind it. So just think straight, think normally, like some 12 year old kid and not try to be some extraodinary detective. The application form for committee 2007, please do the above. Thanks.
~
While others are sweating in front of their piano's, i'm here blogging. haha. MEP prelims practical is tomorrow. Maybe ame was right, just think positive and leave the rest in God's hands. I played through those pieces many times already, and each time they are fine. So, let's just see how it goes tomorrow. To ame, Cavatina first before kabalevsky. and you can leave your lesson at 3 onwards, but try your best to come by 3.20 so we can fun through it at least once.. Thanks. Hope your teacher understand what i am talking about in the excuse letter =)
~
I have not been scoring goals lately in soccer. LoL, and luckily we didnt lose for the 5th consecutive time. MPH is really fun, and stuffy, and time consuming when people like Zhi Zhuang, Jason and Ying hao kicking the ball to milky way number 410=P (haha ame) Next term swimming, no more fun already.
~
I better go do some final touch up. With Oli and ame owning ABRSM exams, i think its time i do something to some MEP practical exam.. HEHE

With reference to auggie's post,

School recitals are a bore.

Sitting amidst a hundred indifferent, restless, hormone-engorged boys.

The 10 minutes of John Cage's aleatory music (being politically correct) didn't help.

I must empathise with those on stage.

Still, play to the few who understand.

with reference to yanhan's post

maybe i'm too exclusive.

i rarely use the word friend on people,
or at least with all its encompassed meaning.

To the handful that i have, I mean it with all my heart.

thank God for you.

ACS hollywood orch

Went back to school today to have my final practise with ame before MEP O level prelims practical test(such a long name) on Tuesday. Just need to remind myself to remain calm, that's the key to sucess. I have a feeling that nothing will go wrong =P Meeting was short, lucky we had the rehearsal, otherwise go back to school for like 1 hr when travelling time takes about 2+hr. I want LOTR, ET, Jurassic Park, superman...soon we will have spongebob square pants =P
~
The nice part for today is what we did after that. The lunch, "value life act responsibly" sign, to Jurong east library, the bubble tea, honey dew, photos (especially the one in pampers) and so on. Haha. Guess nobody will understand this besides ame. But nvm, its nice keeping you all in the dark =P Somehow i feel that such a friend is indeed hard to find, one whom i'm able to tell my troubles to, have fun together, hang out together doing cool stuff. All the accompanying sessions, practises and so on. It's not over yet, but im already grateful i have chose you as an accompanist...thanks
~
Year 5 concert was quite a success in my opinion. Though a lot of my friends werent there, or should i say only 3 out of about 40 turned up, i was satisfied with the overall performace level. I like the disney songs, lol, and solo items by zab, chung, ame and wilford.
~
Got to go now, to my grandma's house..Enjoy your weekends, and for year 4's, practise hard for MEP. Haha =P

Its over for me too

After ame's IOP and TOK, now i'm finally done with all of my term 3 tests too. Yay, chem was yesterday, Adv. Maths and final Cheng Yu Ce Yan today. But sadly, i think the graphic calculator test isn't that fair, considering its all about luck, cus we are supposed to figure out how to use the calculator while doing the test, so lucky people who press the right button get the answer...And the best part is my physics teacher said nobody failed physics this term, haha, i believe. Physics test:10/25, Practical: 7/15, EOS(which is the worst part os the science IB programme grading): 11/25.. So no matter which one you take i also fail. Hmm, time to work on my physics. =P Chinese and C. Maths happy, rest dont know.
~
MEP practical on the other hand is going well, just hope that i dont freak out during the practical itself just because i play the wrong note. Hoping, hoping.Thanks ame for missing your captain's ball competition and rehearse with me =) Main paper shouldnt be a prob, will start mugging MEP soon(haha, i know some will say cannot mug de, but i will still do that).
~
Good luck to those performing tomorrow. Will go and watch you all =P As for me, its going to be violin, violin and more violin until who knows when. hehe.

and u made it all better.

Finally, two burdens off my chest for now: TOK and IOP (:

In case anyone didnt already know, i'm not good at presenting, sounding persuasive and acting confident. So now that its over, i'm really relieved.

~

Today as i was eating lunch, hoe saw a green pea on the table. Next, he tried to blow it off the table, most hilariously because it didn't move! Then mighty soonks came and in one huff and one puff, he blew the pea off the table into our direction!! missing me by only a bit. It travelled a long distance in the air before landing on the floor. Ownage.

Silly hoe. powerful soonks!

I'm sure yanhan would be 'pleased' to know that soonks just scored another 140 points today for owning at the blowing-the-pea-off-the-table event. xD

The sunset seemed so beautiful today; i enjoyed every moment of it. I am grateful for the time, it made me feel better altogether.

"All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All this wise and wonderful
The Lord God made them all..."

And the date today is 21/8

I'm just glad that today will be over soon..
IOC! It's over. I got passage 3, the easy one, the one about Juliet and her confused mind with all the oxymorons, conflicts, and irony. And as i said out each point, my teacher just kept on saying good, excellent and continuosly nod her head. I love it man. Then her comments: Good, but you must work on your grammer -.- hehe. Aiyah, i feel that it was good, although i sort of rushed through it cus i thought of a lot of points and didnt want to forget..And then its over. I'm so not going to think about it anymore. Goodbye Romeo and Juliet FOREVER
~
There was a public caning this morning. Think none of us saw, but the year 1's/2's seeing it the first time said it was bad. At least the message was conveyed, be a good boy and caning will be one thing you will regret for your life. We had like 5 in one shot like 2 years back, by the time it reached the third guy i couldnt watch anymore liao. And the worst part is the cane cracked into 2...Dont steal, dont vandalise, dont gang fight. Just be a good boy =P
~
P.E, ah soccer in MPH = ownage. Although we lost(again) 3-1, not bad lar, at least i get to run about like some mad person. Once a week is enough, must exercise self control. I want to do normal NS and not get downgraded or something, though MDC looks fun to me.
~
Now left with chem test to worry about. Adv. Maths teacher told me i failed a calculator test. Seriously hope he's lying cus it's sort of easy, and that teacher always joke de. There was a briefing on some NTU enginnering course. so many photos on my hostel when it went to the "living in NTU" segment. Quite sad never feature my handsome face inside =) Best part is that guy actually know me, but i never go and say hi cus i didnt want to be extra. Nvm. 2 more months to the end of end of year exam. Time, please seriously start to fly..

i asked, and this is what he showed me

1 I cried unto God with my voice, even unto God with my voice; and he gave ear unto me.
2 In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord: my sore ran in the night, and ceased not: my soul refused to be comforted.
3 I remembered God, and was troubled: I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed.
4 Thou holdest mine eyes waking: I am so troubled that I cannot speak.
5 I have considered the days of old, the years of ancient times.
6 I call to remembrance my song in the night: I commune with mine own heart: and my spirit made diligent search.
7 Will the Lord cast off for ever? and will he be favourable no more?
8 Is his mercy clean gone for ever? doth his promise fail for evermore?
9 Hath God forgotten to be gracious? hath he in anger shut up his tender mercies? Selah.
10 And I said, This is my infirmity: but I will remember the years of the right hand of the most High.
11 I will remember the works of the LORD: surely I will remember thy wonders of old.
12 I will meditate also of all thy work, and talk of thy doings.

Oh Lord help me to live it out.

-

maybe i should sleep, maybe i shouldnt, but actually i cant...
Oli just pwned viola exam, 141 for grade 5 -.- Congratz anyway
Sorry to shua, didnt know your birthday was like last wed, really sorry.
Ame please take care of yourself, and good luck for your IOP/EE presentation.
~
Im seriously starting to feel the pressure for my practical which is less than 2 weeks away. It will be the first prac under my new teacher, and i really hope there will be a difference. I just found out that things that we are good at are usually the ones we will freak out at the last moment, like IOP, i never freaked out at all, its because i know my language just CMI and thus i just dont care about anything at whack. But my violin, arghhh...You will be super embarrassed if you fail it, or get damn bad results cus its your first instrument, and thats why i freak out everytime. Must go for mind-calming lessons, or just exchange traits with ame =P she's scared about the things i dont and not about the things i do.
~
Too much worries for now, maybe. And im being blamed now for being too nice to girls -.- and this month's utility bill just came in, it says close to 200 lol, half a month after my air-con and i start to see the impact of it.. Oh no, now i wish i go back in time, i rather save money than feel cooling at night, cus seriously, after you are deep in your dreams, if it is too hot/cold i wont affect much. Anyway, it says 11.30, and im really sleepy now.. Looking forward to violin lesson though.

Goodbye

In response to ame's post, "Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again after a moment or lifetime is certain for those who are friends." - Richard David Bach
~
And since i think poems a cool, here's one by me (no names, haha, sorry wei yang)

Love emerges between two who shares,
and gives a new life between two who cares:

You are a part of me in so many ways
and its you that i will love for the rest of my days,
Time will not change the way i feel
Truly, i have waited long enough for you.

The moment i saw you i knew it was true,
that my heart tells me i was in love with you.
That day will always be in my mind - I will never forget
For everything in you is perfect - I have no regrets

But will you love me strong and love me long,
And put me in your heart, for that's where i feel i should belong.
It's you that i will love for the rest of my days,
You are a part of me in so many ways.
~
Oh yes, i completed it, Chen Yanhan's first ever poem completed in 1 hour? LoL, at least i tried, i'm sorry if its lousy, just forget about it =P
Happy holiday

maybe its something i'm just not meant to have.

I opened the presents one by one
My eyes were filled with tears.
Why is it that we must part
After all these years?

I had searched a thousand miles
but true friendship could not find
Just as the treasure was unfolded,
it had to be left behind.

The creulty of time is felt
when such things come to pass
But our hearts are joined forever
by friendship that will last.

~

Or will it? It seemed like i've lost everything that i thought i had.

Head-ache

After the long pain in the head(shall not call it headache)yesterday, i just came to realise many things for myself. No idea why. Found out that i wasnt as tough as i used to be. My stamina dropped like mad, knee prob, and once during HAVEN rehearsal i had some kind of breathing difficulty which sort of freaked me and my desk partner out, and now the pain in my head, the first time i had this kind of weird feeling. Just realised that forgetting and letting go is an easy thing to say, but one of the hardest things to do. Try for yourself, especially forgetting about someone who you think you like(think is the keyword). Today i sort of pissed two people off at one go, chung and zab for reasons i shall not reveal. But sorry, seriously. Found out that its seriously time to freak out for not only year end exams, but my MEP and Chinese. LoL. Realised that my zuo wen in the latest publication of "ying hua" isnt that great. and reflects badly of myself. Finally understand that paying attention in class do help in getting high grades, like C.maths. Not trying to boast, but its true. HAVEN's direct translation into chinese is known as 避风港, sounds cool..
~
Thoughts aside, im glad that there's a holiday tomorrow. Able to rest myself from all the homework chionging for the whole week. I think my headache is caused by poisoning from chem lab. Like right after chem prac i got this stupid pain. Im so going to scream for everyone i know during year 5 concert. LoL. Anyway, gtg. Think im sleeping now =P

maybe its like this.

Maybe moving on is like stepping on those foot reflexology stones in the park. When u first walk on them, ur feet hurt. But its good for you, and u hopefully get used to it.

Maybe its like this. Maybe.

My mind has 4 persons. The irrational one, the sensible one, the third person, and the fourth emotion.

The irrational one and the sensible one love to quarell.

The third person is amused by their squabbles and laughs them off.

But somewhere in the depths, there is a fourth person. She is hurt; but i cant find her. I cant place it.

Somewhere in my mind, its like a broken family. The parents shout at each other, the innocent baby laughs. And the older sibling cries and hides away.

Somewhere, in my mind....

i have no answers either

Yanny i read ur recent post and i wanted to provide you an answer concerning relationships. But i realised that after all these years from sec1 till now, i still don't have a stand of my own. My stand on these matters are borrowed from my parents, siblings and friends.

So, i really dun have an answer.

I'm the forgotten pianist of today. In the shadows, non-existent.

Today my diary was spammed with westlife lyrics and pink hearts and smileys by alison and feli >.< hahaha.

It was all rainy today and i was freezing most of the time. The composer that came today was a cool dude. He said my melody was very emo. I didnt know it showed.

How not to be.
How to be what you cannot be.

Sorry.

=P

MEP class was freaky, very.
Mrs Li sort of ran through the overview of Prokofiev in supersonic speed with the whole class sort of lost most of the time. LT2 is so echoe, hate it man. Then Ms ng came in with a red luggage with her radio player inside. But the scary part is that she's wearing red shirt, red dress with a red luggage and suddenly pop into LT2. And then the next thing we knew before we settle down, she told us that our prelim practical for first instrument is like 2 weeks away. WOW. So for those who havent even chose their piece yet, GG, for me just a bit sudden, but i never do last minute work. Lucky sia. And then she announce O level first instrument prac dates. Fast sia, everything is happening so fast. We did a full paper next and it was sort of easy compared to her's, but i still make stupid mistakes. SIGH. Nvm, should learn how to prevent myself from freaking out.
~
Masterclass/workshop even better. Played the piece and before that person even started on explaining the work, Shin Kang asked us to leave cus Ms Ng is having a lesson with the rest of the year 4's now. Good joke cus nobody was there when we stepped into LT2...So we wasted all our time doing the recording, which was never used..And the best part is we learnt nothing out of it cus we didnt even go for the thing itself..
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For those people trying to imposter wither me or zab out there, not bad ah. Didnt know somewhere treat me as an idol, put my name in front of yours and use my name to tag. But sad to say, you are failing very badly.. read my msn nick for those that have, and make wild guesses. "Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship--never."Got this quote from somewhere. If you are really that despo, please guess names of my closest friends. And i think most of you won't know about her unless..
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"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not to people or things." Philosophers say this!! MAybe its time for me to wake up

woe is me.

Lord i have no more words to say.

i read Sam's mum's book. i've taken so many things for granted.

Lord help

anyway, exciting planning for the next philharmonic concert is going on. and school is beginning to take its toll.

as they always say, just whack lah!

A post by Chen Yanhan

Perhaps this is one of the days that i will remember..
I just thought of her again today, dont know why, but she just happened to be in my mind, sort of stuck. Dont know if this is a foolish thing, cus i read a quote, true love at my age is common, but knowing what true love is isn't. Maybe we are still too young for this kind of stuff. Maybe my class teacher is right, 24 graduate from uni, stabalised job, go into courtship, maybe married at 30 plus, earliest should be at 29. and im only 16, thats why. ARGHH. 10 years more down the road should be the answer, whats more there's NS for us, also known as temptation island and a serious test in relationship. Always tell myself age does not play a role in relationships, maybe it does now.
~
Dont know how to put it, but Tom (name changed to protect his identity until he gives me the green light to reveal his name, but i think you all know who liao) just spoke to me over MSN regarding next year's committee position and his wish to have a sort of competition with me. Of course i will love it if nobody fights with me at all, but i think it is right to get to know whose against you so that we can talk about this issue. But i will respect the outcome, nobody who gets it, all i can say is thanks for letting me know what you are doing at least..
~
Had one of the best times during class. Apart from the carrom game ownage (lol) and the hyper lose 7-0 in the soccer game, i enjoyed maths class too. Sometimes i think of the end of the year where we are leaving each other into some other random classes next year, sigh. Most of you all may have experienced it before, not me cus i was sort of immature during primary school days, regretting now not treasuring the friendship i had. Wonder what it will be like if i leave chamber two years down the road too.. Memories, joy, laughter, sweat.. shouldnt think so much now
~
See you guys in composing workshop tomorrow. Sleeping time.

Fireworks

We officially ended our first philharmonic concert with a party yesterday. The second one is already being planned, with so many ideas being put together in just one night, just like our POTLUCK =P Memories of us starting work on this project(the first one) just happened to flow back while listening to the recording yesterday. Very happy to have worked with ame, oli and shua for the sponsorships thingy, and to see the whole orch progressing ever so fast. And so now as we move on, we can at least look back on past experiences, learn from mistakes we have made, and improve on the standards set by this committee.
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Went borders after rehearsal yesterday. But before that, we actually had a live performance from Edward. Too pro liao, you ask for the piece, he play it for you. And the up-bow staccato. ARGHH. Nvm, at least the front desks of the violin section at yesterday's reading session, all 4 of us came from the same teacher. HEHE. Don't know why we decide to go to border also, lol. But i think we spent like 45mins before leaving, and thats a very short time there. That place a bit messy only, and having a violin at the kind of crowded place just didnt help much too. And it was like 4.45pm when we left borders when I am supposed to be at my granma's house at 6.30 which isnt that far from Orchard mrt. So being a bit high and bored, i decide to follow ame to Jurong east station before making my way back to outram park. Trip to jurong east = fun, trip back = sian, at least i had some time for myself for self-reflection...
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Haha, i saw the fireworks by the Canadians at my aunt's house yesterday. Super good view(30th floor), nice breeze and not-blocked by any buildings. You look down and you see the esplanade. Some people even paid her $50 to go into her house to video cam, but i think she refused, should have let in lar, then use the 50 dollars to party or something. But at least my cousin took video cam of the show, not all since she ran out of memory space. Really enjoyed it, although it lasted for like 15mins? then i was watching cable tv at her house and thought that the programmes are very interesting. If only NTU had cable wires...
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No time for homework at all this weekend. And i have dont know how many tests coming up next week. Doom. Composing workshop next tues. I think you all have rugby cheering on wed, against RI. Looking forward to today's violin lesson.. hehe.. =)

don't let hate conquer all.

We were under the palm tree that had a light attached to it. Sitting on the floor, facing the sea, and the night sky that is so ridiculously starless. Ironic isnt it. The tall skyscrapers sparkling in the night from neon lights, robbing the sky of its natural glory.

Just waiting. For the fireworks.

For a moment, it didnt matter whether the fireworks came or not. Its just enough to have friends beside u, talking, laughing and sharing the moments. Under the night sky, in the sea breeze. Too bad there were so many people around.

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Maybe u guys need to give yanny a break; for him to at least breathe. Rumours and scandals...what do they show? They only reflect badly on those who create and spread them. Why do u ppl want to ruin ur own reputation? I have no idea.

Maybe u guys need to find the answers for yourself.

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In the shambles of war
Don't let hate conquer all
Make love your purpose
Make love your all...

IM ANGRY AND PISSED

THIS WHOLE POST WILL BE IN CAPS, SINCE IM SO PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW.
TO EVERYBODY, FOR GOODNESS SAKE, FOR MY SAKE, AND FOR ZAB'S SAKE, WE HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH EACH OTHER. NOTHING = WE DONT LOVE EACH OTHER, WE DONT FEEL FOR EACH OTHER, WE ARE NOT FALLING FOR EACH OTHER, WE ARE NOT COUPLES, WE ARE NOT WHAT YOU ALL THINK WE ARE. TO FURTHER EMPHASIZE MY POINT, WE ARE JUST NORMAL FRIENDS WHO JUST HAPPEN TO SIT NEXT TO EACH OTHER DURING REHEARSAL AND LAUGH SUPER LOT DURING REHEARSAL AND SO ON. DUMB IMPOSTER, I THINK I KNOW WHO ARE YOU LIAO, AND THAT OTHER PEOPLE ALSO THINK THAT IT IS YOU SO PLEASE STOP IT BEFORE YOU GET IT ON FRIDAY. I JUST HAVE LIKE 6 PEOPLE ASKING ME ON MSN WHETHER I LIKE HER, ANSWER TO ALL, NO NO NO NO NO AND NO. MAYBE ZAB WAS RIGHT, YOU GUYS NEED BOTH OF US TO YELL NO IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE BEFORE YOU FINALLY WAKE UP FROM YOUR DREAM ABOUT ME AND HER. SO PLEASE GIVE ME A BREAK, PLUS SEAN AND ZAB IS STEADY LIAO, THUS IM NOT WILLING TO SPERATE HER FROM HIM. FINAL WORDS: I DONT LOVE HER, NEITHER DO I HATE HER. WE ARE JUST FRIENDS, SERIOUSLY...

Post number - 100

I think that the other contributors to this blog is busy with their work, since they are year 5 and has a lot more homework as compared to me. BUT, post number 100 shall be mine (it has been up for grabs for like 3 days?)
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Last and final prefect duty for the school today(i think). Did reception, not my favourite - i prefer parking duties, but still not as bad considering im doing it with the mind-set of its my last duty. I will miss only 2 people from the board, quite pathetic, but nevermind. Paul and John who made my prefect days so enjoyable. The rest just normal lar, dont cry hor =) Got soya sauce all over my shirt after squirting them onto small disposable plates. The fun part of today's duty is actually the time where me and John went to hunt for pebbles to weigh some paper thingy down. Astrotuff, walk all the way to SAC, then back to new audi via the road, then CPA until we finally found some decent stones. LoL. My blazer cant fit me liao, so sad, maybe im donating it to the board or something. anyway bye guys, bye prefectorial board. =P
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Post-HAVEN concert was sort of cool. Forgot to mention i kept stealing food when doing reception duty, so by the time i went to the boarding school dining hall for lunch, im quite bloated liao. So i only took a cup of chilled soya bean milk. Didnt even look at the food cus seriously no appetite. The screening was a bit of low quality i must say, and the sound of the violins are simply too screeching for my liking, but luckily its the raw one only. Act 3 scene 1 (to be or not to be)'s edited high quality DVD is not bad, but not for the start of the show, Act 1 scene 1 cus there's simply too much mistakes le. But nvm, at least i can expect the kind of things im getting after buying the DVD. Quite proffessional i must say. Enjoyed the soccer session, although the cast held us up for 1 hr 20mins before the match started. Movie for them after that, but i need to go home for dinner, so its the last time im looking at the whole group now. HAVEN has officially ended, so no more quotes, and no more sadness please, 天下无不散之筵席...
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I just freaked out when my father came back, saying that the red spot at the shoulder was some sort of cancerous cells, although mild, but the "cancer" word just sort of stunned me for quite a moment. Going for an operation to remove it soon, praying super hard that all will turn out fine. Its the easiest to treat of all skin cancer, just cut it away - That's what the doctor say, sounds freaky to me..Not in the best mood to talk about my sis also, ever since 5th Aug, she has became even worst than before. I think she just got scolded this morning at 2 a.m for still using the Computer, cus it sort of woked me up, and pissed me off not because i couldnt get sleep after that, but because he made my father angry again for dont know how many times le..
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Post number 100 shall be a lengthy one. Milestone in this blog, YAY... My violin is currently under repair so no violin on sat for reading dont know what score. Tried my sis violin, its just so different and difficult to play, sian. Kallang its not the best place to visit tomorrow(national day), so maybe going there on Thurs to collect, and at the same time wasting 3hr30mins of travelling time.. OWNAGE. Official announcement for all chamber players: There will be a reading session starting at 10, and we are having a pot-luck party after that for our philharmonic concert. Food contributions are welcome, but please call me or Ying Hao (who is supposed to be the coordintor) at 97643069 and 91719465 respectively. And for those who have already forgotten, RI concert is this Friday at NUS, chris has our tickets, i think.
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*looking through my homework list* I'm glad that i have cleared close to 80% of my work, considering i was sort of hardcore yesterday. Left with maths(both core/elementary and advance), need serious help with that cus i cant catch up with lesson. So happy there's 2 full days of holiday. Rest, work and no play..Uni students in my hall even better, school just opened for 2 days and now they are having a 2 day holiday, fun. Hope that you(you know who you are) wont be angry with me for not able to join you for the movie =P
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Remember always, the happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.
For I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. - Phillipians 4:11,13
Have fun during the holiday, see you soon =P

It's Over

Maybe this wasnt the outcome that we expected..Having seen the cast improving everyday, right from the start of our first combined rehearsal until yesterday, nobody would have expected this miracle transformation. We really appreciated all your effort in bringing joy not only to the audience, but to us also. It is indeed funny to finally realise the happiness in working together only during the last few days. How i wish we can go back in time and start everything anew again. But as ame had said, not all wishes will come true. Memories are supposed to be history, hopefully there will be another production like this next year. The music we made, the friends we made, the time we spent together, the laughter and joy we created, the wonderful show we produced will always be remembered and treasured, always.
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As another chapter in our live draws to an end, its back to those normal days where we unwillingly force ourselves to the study table. For the past two weeks we have been living in a world of our own, probably its time we call it an end. Sad, but thats reality. Next up, UK tour!! Can't wait for it to come. Weird thing is that when the time arrives, it will be gone as fast as it came and without knowing it, its over again. Nevermind. Just treasure every moment of it.
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Like to thank everybody for making HAVEN a success once again. Arghh, Cant get the tune out of my head. Lol. And those jokes. See you guys on tuesday for the party. Finally get a chance to see the whole show (i cant see anything from the place im seating). Violin Lesson!!

don't wanna close my eyes.

This adoring heart of mine,
So tenderly naive
Just one word, one touch, and I believe
That this hopeless, fragile world
Will give us time to love
I'm reaching out into the blue
I hope my heart can find faith in u....

I don't want to sleep. I don't want to close my eyes and resign myself to exhaustion. I can't bring myself to let go of the magic of haven; and yet i'm losing grip on this fragile fairytale.

Who says fairytales ever had happy endings; who said that they would live happily ever after?

The show was great today, everyone was so high, screaming and laughing and singing along at the end of the show. Phototaking was good, and so was the pizza. But it was at 11pm, when all these died down, that i had time to reflect. I was lying on the field for an hr with bryan and oli, mostly singing songs or in silence. It felt so comforting lying on the ground, with the moon and stars above u. We were watching people leaving school for supper - i was just watching as u guys walked away, from the field to the roundabout, from the roundabout to the slope, and slowly away from my vision. I cannot describe the immense sadness then, because it was then that i realised haven has become a wonderful experience that i will treasure, but merely a memory, like a fossil engraved into a stone; to be buried forever and only remembered.

I don't think i'll ever see you again. But remember that even though i won't, please remember me for who i am.

Reality sinks in as i get up and walk towards the car. No more lying on the field to smell the roses, if there were any in the first place. Time to start working again, to move on. To move on.

How can i explain this? there're no more tears to shed, no more laughter to laugh. No more dreams to be fulfilled, no more fairytales to come true. Or to believe to come true. Foolish belief. I think i know what to do..no, i know what i need to do. I need to wake up and stop dreaming; dreaming only makes u suffer.

God help me to stop dreaming; to stop dreaming.


This hopeless, fragile world
will never give us time to love.

*chop chop* back to work people, back to to sickly routine of work.

i wish, i wish upon a star

We wish, we wish upon a star
that our wish comes true
We've waited so long.

I wish, i wish. I wish.
But wishes never come true; that's why they're called wishes.

I love haven so much. This adoring heart of mine, maybe tenderly naive, wishes that haven will never end. All the countless rehearsals in our new home, to orch pit (armpit!) were so so fun. The atmosphere, the people, the boredom during the director's shouts of "CUT!!!" and "ACTION!", sleeping and screaming in our new music room, the excitement before the performance, the wonderful music, the joy and humour of seeing the actors giving their best (and funniest) on stage, the audience laughing at the wrong times, the flowers, the smiles, the people.

Its all a fairytale. Quite a timely one indeed, because i need one now. One that sweeps me off my feet and up into the sky. One that takes my hand and runs away from my problems and failures with me, one that celebrates love and emotion, one that never looks back and lives for the moment.

But good things (or seemingly good things) always come with a catch; it being a loud thump on the ground, like how jeremy fell into the orch pit today, only 100 times more impactful.

*thump*: feeling like u failed, as if people don't trust u at all even if u trust them, feeling betrayed, hurt, heartbreak and shattered glass and mind. Anger, seeking attention, immense sadness, pride, being envious of things u will never have. Hopelessly doing what u're 'supposed' to do and not doing what majority says no to. Doing the wise things, hoping that they prove wise after all. Not knowing. Not loving. Not trusting. Burying oneself. Turning inwards.

Anyway, there's only myself to blame in the end.

Up, up and away to haven!

where love builds me a haven, with no bondage or carnage...

my plea

Lord i have no more words left.

I long to live for you Lord.

Show me the way.

And all things will work out.

Thank you God for reading this.

Siao already

This blog is a bit dead, cus all of us are walking zombies. So since nobody post, i shall keep you all updated on what's been going on in our own world..
We did a lot of things, like playing, laughing, sleeping, joking, singing, and something =P Its super tiring i must say, not the intensiveness, but the length. Training our stamina. Yet most of us are still look forward to going for rehearsals, maybe because all of think we are HEROes. Some parts super cheesy, others just lame, one super emo part (until need to cover zab's eyes or else she will cry), energetic, fun and so on..Music is good today, especially in-tune singing by the casts (keep up the work please), dont yunderestimate them. As for us, i just feel the emo part play tremelo on C is a bit random. Wishes (S2A - I think) is the hardest. LOL. Shall not say anything more otherwise no fun liao. Today's preview show was quite good, hardly any mistakes, except for one or two technical fault, and people missing lines...
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I love my air-con. Cooling sia, but still unable to make me oversleep. Lol. Shall exercise self-restraint now and not get addicted to sleeping in air-con although it is SUPER SHIOK. Do i sound like a deprived kid? FYI, my highest PUB bill so far is $153 in a month, never more than that.. plus i have $100 subsidy a month. Hopefully it wont go up. So whose interested in living in a hostel? =P
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Okay, now everyone just listen up for a moment. I hereby announce that i have no relationship with my desk partner, just that we are friends and that we go siao during rehearsals with our manual MSN, lame jokes, personal problems, and violin techniques. So no rumours please... Ty.
We have information - that tomorrow dont need to go to school at the normal time, ownage. But i never bring back any work, nor my violin. Sian. Maybe still go to school at normal time, but practise violin. After sat, i think all of us will go HIGH again. Confirm need to rest like 2 weeks or so before we catch up with the homework train again. Nvm, worries later. Just eat, live and play, let good things come your way, for life is too short, to waste it all away. =P