try ngee-ing the alphabet.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

my cry.

Lord you are greater than all these fleeting things. If these things do not please You then Lord please take them away. Help me to be free to serve You and to know You better. Bless me and enlarge my territory. Keep me from harm so that I may be free from pain.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

i dont know.

all i can say is that i try.

or maybe i try too hard.


Oh LORD help me.

Restore my soul.

I really need You.

Help. Help. Help.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

turning point?

Many things have happened in the past few weeks; I wonder if anyone noticed a change?

Powerful stuff
The last week of school was probably the most intellectually unprogressive one in the whole term: teachers were missing and there was just this overwhelming atmosphere of slack. But I learnt, or rather experienced, some fairly powerful stuff. Yes yes I'm talking about the tennis, rugby, badminton and hockey matches. After missing the rugby finals last year, I made it a point to watch this year's, and I was, er, greatly rewarded? No I can't say that - we lost to RJC by a very very close margin. But what I meant was that I was greatly rewarded with the privilege of just being there and of witnessing a spirit that I can't exactly quantify, qualify or express it in words.
What is the AC spirit? I think if I described the tearful aftermath and solemnity of the match to my brother, he would probably laugh at how 18-year old gentlemen can cry over a game. Others might view it with disdain, scorn, jealousy and what not, but I'm quite sure that every person who was there did feel they were part of something special, regardless of the outcome. It was in the impulse to jump to your feet and cheer when the team fought back; it was in the unity of sentiment that we felt toward the team. Maybe it was all about being one - one strong, collective, cohort. I have tried to put a word to it, but it seems that these attempts have failed. But whatever it was, I'm proud to say that I've been part of something awesome.
I'm proud to be an ACSian. (:

Loving school more
This might sound crazy, but as I was in the car looking out at the passing road, it hit me that this is probably the best state of life I can ever wish for: I've got my youth, I've got love, I've got friends, I've got school, I've got health, I've got God, I've got a future and everything's going well for me. I figured that this fantastic phase of life ain't gonna last very long, so let's all bask in it for awhile. Of course, we should all try to maintain such optimism regardless of our circumstances, but I don't think anyone's that noble to say that they can keep it up all the time.
But for now, I really do feel I'm blessed. And there ain't nothing wrong in feeling blessed. Just remember to thank God for it. (:
This might sound even crazier, but as the thought of exams emerge from the back of my mind like a animation pop-up that scares u by suddenly appearing on an empty computer screen, I do not find myself dragging my feet to school anymore. In fact, I wake up relieved knowing that I have a place to go, friends to meet, and things to learn. Yeah I know, crazy only begins to describe me now right. Maybe its part of my pressing need for structure and predictability in my life, but I'm really starting to like school, regardless of its uniform rules regarding the pieces of cloth you wear on your feet every day (heh), or the increasing unproductivity of lessons nowadays. Haha YES it's precisely because of the increasing number of free periods that I'm liking school more, but that's only part of the reason. I guess it's only when good things start to come to an end, that we start to appreciate what we've had. By good things, I mean hanging around with my fellow SL2 math class ppl during SL1 periods (love you, yy! haha), feeding the fish, shouting from block C to block B (we seriously need a bridge frm 6.8 to 6.15!), laughing a lot, among other things. With more Career fairs and scholarship pressures from teachers and parents, part of me - in fact, most of me - wants to stay here in my small world forever, to freeze this capsule of mine, with me inside it. Sounds a little morbid, you say, but the world out there is kinda scary to me too. It's a little like I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, but applying it to a different context altogether.
Oh well, the affliction of growing up: being caught between freedom and security.

Don't know if this is the right way to feel, but I don't know what's stopping me too..

Monday, May 07, 2007

sigh but i can't go.

oh well.

all you guitarists out there, you shouldn't miss this one!

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I acknowledge my shortcomings. My weaknesses. They stick into me like splinters.

We all are like that.

All I ask of you is to be patient. With me and others. To help.

And not to condemn people so quickly.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

about cellists (:

The cello section seems pleasant, and cellists seem like such nice people. The way they put their arms around their instruments, they look like parents at a day care center zipping up snowsuits. They seem like us: comfortable, mid-range, able to see both sides of things.



Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Amazing Love

And can it be that I should gain

An interest in the Savior's blood
Died He for me, who caused His pain?
For me, who Him to death pursued?
He left His Father's throne above,
so free, so infinite His grace!
Emptied Himself of all but love,
and bled for Adam's helpless race.
No condemnation now I dread;
I am my Lord's and He is mine:
Alive in Him, my living Head,
and clothed in righteousness divine.

Amazing love! How can it be that Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?

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