Yesterday echoes.

This post is long overdue, but it's for clement and the topic of conversation that preoccupied our minds the whole day that day.

~

I remember Kunming.

I remember how 42 sleepless hours felt, and how comfortable a straw mat and a concrete floor could be. I remember how the same food could taste so good day after day, and how precious the sight of water could be. I remember the simple joy of seeing the lights flicker, and the anticipation that preceded it. I remember how, in the absence of everything, I knew we already had more than we could ask for.

I can still taste the countless packets of Village Cow we ate; I can still see Clem squeeze a tube of chocolate on his favourite milk-flavoured ice cream. I can still hear the songs we sang to the cleft-lipped children; I still hear the guitar praisesong Josh played under that star-blanketed sky. I can still feel the warmth of the children's hands in mine, I can still see their initial fear and curiousity fade into lifelong familiarity.

I recall the wisdom those little teachers imparted to me. They knew how certain seeds and fruits were edible; they knew where to gather the most colourful of bouquets. They knew how to teach a game without using language; they knew how to make us find the inner, buried innocence. They knew every step and crevice of nature, they knew how to enjoy the mountain breeze. They knew joy through their wholehearted smiles, and they knew sadness through their full, heavy tears.

I remember the final moments before leaving. I remember the guilt of learning so much, and yet only leaving with them tangible, painted walls. I remember how it felt to have my first shower in days, as the children struggled to get by with all the water they could find. I remember how I realised that their simple joy of seeing a bulb glow may be reduced to an indifferent, plastic switch. I realised, with pain, how the lessons I learnt in that very special school will never be truly appreciated by people like us. People like us who only pursue for happiness.
We only pursue.

I remember, with sorrow, how I had to leave it all behind. But now, I remember how we left them with dear 'ngee', and I smile.

Joy always is, always has been, and always will be within us.