one more time.

dear hh,

In case you haven't realised (haha), i'm leaving tmr! I feel fairly ticklish now; its all so exciting. But there were a few thoughts in my head today.

When you asked me to read J's blog, his entry on 'change' caught my attention, and never left my mind ever since. I was thinking about this - what if the plane i'm on crashed? What if tomorrow never comes? What would happen then? Who would i think of? Who would cross my mind? Will my whole life flash before me? But more importantly, i wondered who would miss me, and who would be the first to notice that i'm gone. Then, a Ronan Keating song sounded in my head.

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark

And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes.

It might sound crazy and all, how i'm thinking about death when i'm still young at seventeen. But then again, you'll never know right? You can never be so sure, can you.

My mind wondered and i imagined what tmr would be like. I love Changi Airport; it just has a special, melancholic ambience that i love. I was thinking how my friends would be seeing me off, and how i would walk through the departure gates, all excited and happy, yet knowing i'll be missing home for a week. A scene from The Terminal flashed in my mind, and i suddenly recalled the lyrics of the song that i wrote.

She walks through the gates of my life
They close on me all too soon
I think i've just let go of a treasure
To the other side of the moon.

Know that the Lord is with you,
know that i will be true.
Know that while you sleep at night
i'll be thinking and missing you too.
I'm sorry that my lil farewell
didnt turn out like how it should.
But those three lil words i wanted to say
just left me, speechless, that day.

Maybe its the sing-song mood that i'm in today, haha. But there's one thing i can't get out of my head. I've been wondering all day, who would be there, at 630am in the wee hours of the morning, to see me off. Indeed, the goodbyes are more important than the hellos, because you can never know which goodbye you say would be the last one.

I was planning to say goodbye to you tonight, but i don't think the computer would be made available to me then. So i'll say it now. Goodbye dear, God bless your week ahead. Don't worry about me, i'll be safe and sound in God's hands.

I'm hanging in there.

Goodbye.

signing off, ame <3