and again.

dear hh,

Its one day closer to the day that i'm flying away, and i finally feel a tinge of excitement. I was stuffing my beloved green tea sachets and maggie mee into my suitcase and i felt as if little imps were racing in my heart. My disbelief and numbness did give way to child-like anticipation after all. Well, at least i can still feel these things.

Family meals are highly amusing; and almost crude in conversation, i must say. You told me once about the bad habits and the totally uninhibited way your mom and dad behave at home, and i bet this is true in every family. But that didnt suppress my laughter, haha these things are always funny anyway. And my family! The dinner table conversation can drift from why mom didnt buy enough meat for the steamboat to crude references to the human anatomy. Far from intellectual, i must say, but everyone needs a dose of such things once in awhile.

The mealtime conversation usually takes on a somewhat 'reprimanding' tone, with my older bro blaming mom for not buying enough meat, and with my mom retorting that its not her fault but the way my brothers eat (which they do just like hungry cows). My older bro then pushes the blame on little abe, saying the one with the smallest stomach eats the most. As for me, i would only offer a comment occasionally, and in this case i asked if he was sure little abe had the smallest stomach. But i know that this slightly negative tone is just for laughs. Just that i find that it gets overboard sometimes, especially when my older bro takes it too far. Oh well, i guess i'm the only one sensitive to these things, so i'll just bear with it somehow.

I woke up this morning and then fell back to a fifteen-minute sleep; and it was one troubling fifteen-minute nightmare. I didnt really dream about anything, but i found myself having so many thoughts crossing my mind that when i finally snapped out of it, i sat up straight in bed, springing out of the moment just in time. There were thoughts of the rainy day at the beach, of a bad korean drama, of you and the week before last, of the london piano masterclass and of the airport. These thoughts were all so ordinary, but it was so strange when i felt them cascading down to some bottomless pit in my head. I felt i was falling down with them, until i woke up. So strange indeed.

Today God spoke and He said that we are all part of something bigger. God plans His plans with a timeframe of eternity, while we make our plans within a meagre 60-70 years. Then when we don't see results, we get impatient. It was a timely reminder for me that God's big plan spans many years and generations, and all we should do is to trust in the big plan. Yes, the big plan that includes you and me. Take comfort in that.

The little imps are racing all over my heart again, tickling me quite a bit. Haha i've never thought i would say this, but now, I am excited.

But not before i bid farewell to you on tuesday.

signing off, ~ame~