of resisting change.

I'm chewing on pineapple and thinking:

It's already friday and the exams are drawing to a close very soon. Needless to say, everyone is looking forward to it, whether be it pressing your GDC to get the answer for the final math question, or writing the last words of a B&M essay. I do feel the same way; anticipating the finale of it all, but part of me isn't too happy either.

After this ends, i would have lost some sense of direction; i would have to face the world again.

Before any of you start spamming my tagboard and calling me names (i.e. mugger, haha i bet that's on all of ur mind right now), please hear me out. After 3 weeks of studying drew to a close when the exams started, i felt so prepared, so full of purpose. I felt i could deal with it all, because i was prepared to deal with the exams that were before me. And so, paper by paper it passed. Sometimes there were mixed feelings when i stepped out of the exam hall, but there was always another paper to prepare for, and 'look forward to', the next day.

For once, i knew what i would be doing the next day of my life.

Now, as each paper is tackled and conquered, TOK essays, EE drafts, IAs, recording sessions, piano, violin, etc. all start to creep back into my mind. The real world is going to hit me right in the face soon. The real world of not just assignments and real datelines, but of deciding where do i go from the exams, what should i do next, what's going to happen tomorrow. It's like working your way all the way up to the top, and then asking: "so, er, what's next?" It was the same feeling i felt when i did my piano exam and my teacher couldnt have me as her student anymore; it was the same feeling i felt when i stopped violin lessons; and possibly the same feeling i felt after haven.

Maybe you all concur with me, or maybe you don't, but i feel that one can get so caught up in the preparation to achieve something substantial until when it is achieved, you find that u have lost ur purpose somewhat. For history junkies out there, it must be how Mussolini felt when he suddenly found himself as the PM of Italy.

Maybe its called...the post-achievement syndrome.

It's not that i don't want exams to end; but part of me resists this change because all of a sudden, going to the books seems so much easier to deal with than life and reality. Probably because the books are predictable; but life isn't. And its in every human to want to grope in the darkness and find some constant and security in life. So, hence the post-achievement syndrome i guess.

My plate of pineapple is empty.