stres.

there are a thousand and one things on my mind, i am physically worn out and in dire need of sleep. but loopy losh is here blogging.

call me weird, but i wish i could go back to the days before exams. those are a part of the most memorable days of the year. yes. studying with keef, dandan and dongs. those were the days which we had a focus, which was simply to mug for upcoming exams. though we didnt usually accomplish that much, but there were no other sources of stress, and i count those days as one of the least stressful days. all we had to care about was to mug. maybe its just me, but i feel then is less than now.

now everything comes crashing down.

uk tour approaches, but i dont feel as excited as i think i should. maybe its because there is much work to do, alot of practising to be done. it just isnt as special as the pre-Kunming days. all the effort and anticipation surmounted to a great trip, beautiful memories, wonderful friendships, the unforgettable arctic experience, the kids, the village food, the animals, the yucky toilets, the games, the hospital, the stone forest, the stars. and everything else. heh.

pressure pressure.

i havent done anything in preparation of the upcoming holidays. yes, preparation for holidays. preparation for work. lots and lots of work. lots of words to write. thousands in fact. EEs, TOK essays, Econs IAs, World Lit assignments, Music compositions, preparing for piano practicals next year which translates to new pieces to learn and whatnot. everything looms ominously. i have no idea where to find the time to do all that, when i think about it. its a lose lose situation. if i think about it, i worry, if i dont think about it, i worry too. ha ha. how absurd.

i still cant believe how holidays are still termed holidays. i remember reading this article in TODAY some time back about how holidays should be purely holidays. yeah i wish. sigh. the irony. why cant they just name it 'stay-at-home-and-do-work-instead-of-attending-lessons-in-school days?' that might make me feel better. or not.

ramblings ramblings. just need an output for my thoughts. doesnt matter whether anyone cares.

how often its so difficult to see the task ahead, to feel fear. to be afraid, and weakened when we see the obstacle in front of us. how oft we forget the God that is in control of everything, of our lives, of the animals, the plants, the sky, the sea, the trees, the Earth. how oft we let ourselves be overcome, and forget to acknowledge His sovereignty. for philippians 4:13 says, 'I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.'

Indeed how many times have we relied on our strength and failed. how many times have we failed to seek God and His righteousness. today as i took time out in the CPA, i looked up and took notice of the verse etched on the side wall. It read, 'Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. -Psalm 37:4' Then i remembered the importance of being in the Lord, to keep our focus on Him, to live in a way that would be pleasing unto Him, to bring Him glory. for what is our lives lived for? or rather, for whom? is it for yourself? for your friends? for your family? not for me. I live for God. He is our purpose.

i pondered today. about what would happen if everything just fell away? what then would be left? earthly, tangible objects? Matthew 24:35 says 'Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.' Salvation in Jesus promised an eternity in heaven with Him. For only He is eternal, everything is temporal. i thought about it, and found it at first a little hard to comprehend. maybe its because we're so entrenched in the world now. maybe its time we did a little uprooting and spent more time with the omnipresent God. but its always so difficult. thats what prayer is for. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says 'Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.' Thats what we should do.

ah. i feel slightly better. yeah. its all in His hands, His control.

Lord I surrender all.