love's depth.

My dad loves my mum a lot.

You know, our concept of love is always nobel and beautiful because it consists of those cherished physical and emotional aspects. A hug, a kiss, a sweet message, the exchange of glances, the fuzzy feeling, the tears, the joy. But there's something else...there's something else which people shun.

"...the whole thing gets more complicated when she decides to have a baby, because Losartan may cause malformations in the foetus' kidney...so we would have to stop medication during that time and hope for the best for the baby. The gene may be passed..."
The doctor was talking to her mother. It became increasingly unbearable, because they were talking as if she wasn't there, referring to her like a third person though she was right in front of them. Yet, the doctor was glancing at her, trying to catch her gaze, as if searching for some sort of approval. But what approval could she give? Yes, she understood the implications, it became head knowledge in an instant. She nodded her head, approvingly, but her heart was denying it at all costs.
The rest of the doctor's words because like a faraway buzzing noise to her. She was thinking about her response to this piece of news, refusing to let the tears run to her eyes. Her thoughts suddenly landed on her parents. Suddenly, it dawned on her how much her father loved her mother, even though it did not seem so most of the time. It dawned on her how much her father sacrificed - he sacrificed even his own children - in order to marry the one he loved. It dawned on her how much they've been through. And in that moment, she understood everything. It all became so clear. It was all for love.
On the way home, she stared aimlessly out of the window. The rain was clearing up now, and glimpses of the sun shone behind the cloudy sky. She thought about her future, and wondered if there was anyone on earth who was able to love her for her - to love her beyond her looks (which she thought deceived everyone), to love her beyond her talent, but to love her for her hidden curse as well. She wondered who, in the right mind, would sacrifice his future children for her. She wondered who would willingly let their son offer such a sacrifice and marry her for the sake of love. Was there ever such a strong love on earth? She thought. A tear came to her eye.
But now, she appreciated God's love even more; so she decided not to cry after all.

~

My mum said i look more and more like my dead cousin. I wonder what am i supposed to feel like, looking like a dead person.

All i know is, i should visit my aunt less, should my presence remind her of tragic memories.